You’ve got to be kidding me?! Seriously? Douche bag!
Anyone who has read the last Shame inductee knows the Deuce doesn’t stand for cheaters. The Deuce especially doesn’t stand for men who cheat on good women and then blame it on a sex addiction. You’d have to be a grade F douche bag to cheat on someone like Sandra Bullock, one of the loveliest ladies of Hollywood.
What made him man crush worthy?
Jesse James owned and operated his own custom choppers shop and got to do what he loved (which is apparently not Sandra Bullock). He also had a couple shows on the Discovery Channel a little while back when the whole “choppers on TV thing” was in full blast. So he had fame and fortune. But then he hit the jackpot when he was, somehow, able to woo Sandra Bullock.
When I first heard about this relationship, I thought the dude who told me about it was yanking me because it was a dude that was talking to me about Hollywood gossip. They felt like such an odd couple. She was a becoming one of the true A-listers in tinsel town while he was a glorified grease-monkey.
Reason for shame?
He cheated. No wait, he cheated on Sandra Bullock! I’m now hearing he’s cheated on her with five women (a stripper, a tattoo model, two unknowns, and the chick on the Blink 182 album cover).
When I made the whole Tiger Woods argument, I had no idea who his wife was except for the fact that she was a hottie and she was the mother of their two children. In the case with Jesse James, I have an idea of who Sandra Bullock is and that’s what is making me irate. Elin Woods could be a bitch for all I know, but Sandra Bullock is definitely not. How can you be anything other than a good person if you are able to make an eclectic catalog of movies as The Proposal, Speed, The Blind Side, Demolition Man, Miss Congeniality, Two Weeks Notice, All About Steve, While You Were Sleeping, 28 Days, and Love Potion No. 9?
I’m also hearing and seeing clips of her before she met Jesse James and how she didn’t like the idea of marriage because of the fact that people can be unfaithful. Way to go, Jesse! You’ve scarred her for life… douche bag.
At least she’s strong enough to file for divorce already.
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Man Crush of March 2010: Gerard Butler
Runners-Up: Jay Baruchel (How to Train Your Dragon, She’s Out of My League), Robert Downey Jr. (Sherlock Holmes), Nathan Fillion (Castle)
Boy, this month was a toss-up for me, but I had to give props to the man whose movies I’ve actually seen this month. Like always, let’s give a hand to the runners-up.
Jay Baruchel, kudos to you. At the end of the month, you are the lead voice actor in the country’s number one movie and you were also in the lead of a movie where you got to be the dopey guy that lands a hottie (Alice Eve, keep your eyes out for this one). I can see you being the next Michael Cera. Robert Downey Jr., your Golden Globe winning performance is coming out on Blu-ray and it’s definitely going into my collection. Congrats to Nathan Fillion for the cool Tick, Tick, Tick… and Boom episodes of Castle and the news that the show has been renewed for a third season of 22 episodes. It’s great that you are finally in a well-rated show that lasted more than a season. I still weep about Firefly and I don’t count Two Guys and a Girl because that was more a Ryan Reynolds showcase.
Now on to the man on top! Gerard Butler!
Some of you may be asking, “How did he beat Jay Baruchel?” Well, for one, he’s also in How To Train Your Dragon, though not the lead. Secondly, he was in The Bounty Hunter, which is doing better than Jay’s other movie in the box office and Mr. Butler got to kiss Jennifer Aniston (uber-hottie) and slap her on the ass. I can only imagine the number of times he had to re-do that over and over again until they got that right. Third was the fact that I got bum rushed by his movies in Netflix. In consecutive mailings, I got Gamer, followed by Law Abiding Citizen, followed by Did You Hear About the Morgans?… unrelated and a choice for the Doc. But the one thing that set them apart are all the rumors around about him hooking up with Jennifer Aniston while they were making the movie. He said it was just innocent flirting. Even if it was just flirting, the fact that he got to do it with Jennifer Aniston is crush-worthy.
Gamer was created by the same guys that did Crank and Crank 2 so there was a lot of gratuitous action with a flimsy story. Come on, one of the DVD special features was a 30-minute gush-fest over the new hi-tech digital camera they used. I can only truly recommend this movie is you believe the premise can happen in the future, you are an avid Michael C. Hall fan, you love anything that has Ludacris, or you can’t see anything bad about a movie that has a tea bagging in the first five minutes.
Law Abiding Citizen is still sitting on my TV stand because I haven’t had the time to watch it yet since the Doc got me Final Fantasy 13 for my b-day, but it’s definitely a movie I want to watch.
The Bounty Hunter was a so-so movie in my opinion, but it definitely had its funny moments. Yeah, I watched it with the Doc in the theaters. I really wished that in one of his on-screen arguments with Jennifer Aniston’s character, he’d yell out, “This is Sparta!” like he did in 300. I would have given the movie an instant thumbs-up if he did that. I guess my main gripe about the movie was how unbalanced it was. It didn’t seem to know if it wanted to be a situational comedy like Friends or a zany comedy like The Hangover, and you can totally tell when they half-assed on both. The scenes with Jason Sudeikis were funny, though out of place due to the over-the-top SNL-esque of the humor. Gerard Butler definitely came out on top as the funniest in movie.
Then there were all those tabloid rumors about him and Jennifer Aniston. So to say that I’ve been exposed to Gerard Butler in the month of March would be an understatement.
Boy, this month was a toss-up for me, but I had to give props to the man whose movies I’ve actually seen this month. Like always, let’s give a hand to the runners-up.
Jay Baruchel, kudos to you. At the end of the month, you are the lead voice actor in the country’s number one movie and you were also in the lead of a movie where you got to be the dopey guy that lands a hottie (Alice Eve, keep your eyes out for this one). I can see you being the next Michael Cera. Robert Downey Jr., your Golden Globe winning performance is coming out on Blu-ray and it’s definitely going into my collection. Congrats to Nathan Fillion for the cool Tick, Tick, Tick… and Boom episodes of Castle and the news that the show has been renewed for a third season of 22 episodes. It’s great that you are finally in a well-rated show that lasted more than a season. I still weep about Firefly and I don’t count Two Guys and a Girl because that was more a Ryan Reynolds showcase.
Now on to the man on top! Gerard Butler!
Some of you may be asking, “How did he beat Jay Baruchel?” Well, for one, he’s also in How To Train Your Dragon, though not the lead. Secondly, he was in The Bounty Hunter, which is doing better than Jay’s other movie in the box office and Mr. Butler got to kiss Jennifer Aniston (uber-hottie) and slap her on the ass. I can only imagine the number of times he had to re-do that over and over again until they got that right. Third was the fact that I got bum rushed by his movies in Netflix. In consecutive mailings, I got Gamer, followed by Law Abiding Citizen, followed by Did You Hear About the Morgans?… unrelated and a choice for the Doc. But the one thing that set them apart are all the rumors around about him hooking up with Jennifer Aniston while they were making the movie. He said it was just innocent flirting. Even if it was just flirting, the fact that he got to do it with Jennifer Aniston is crush-worthy.
Gamer was created by the same guys that did Crank and Crank 2 so there was a lot of gratuitous action with a flimsy story. Come on, one of the DVD special features was a 30-minute gush-fest over the new hi-tech digital camera they used. I can only truly recommend this movie is you believe the premise can happen in the future, you are an avid Michael C. Hall fan, you love anything that has Ludacris, or you can’t see anything bad about a movie that has a tea bagging in the first five minutes.
Law Abiding Citizen is still sitting on my TV stand because I haven’t had the time to watch it yet since the Doc got me Final Fantasy 13 for my b-day, but it’s definitely a movie I want to watch.
The Bounty Hunter was a so-so movie in my opinion, but it definitely had its funny moments. Yeah, I watched it with the Doc in the theaters. I really wished that in one of his on-screen arguments with Jennifer Aniston’s character, he’d yell out, “This is Sparta!” like he did in 300. I would have given the movie an instant thumbs-up if he did that. I guess my main gripe about the movie was how unbalanced it was. It didn’t seem to know if it wanted to be a situational comedy like Friends or a zany comedy like The Hangover, and you can totally tell when they half-assed on both. The scenes with Jason Sudeikis were funny, though out of place due to the over-the-top SNL-esque of the humor. Gerard Butler definitely came out on top as the funniest in movie.
Then there were all those tabloid rumors about him and Jennifer Aniston. So to say that I’ve been exposed to Gerard Butler in the month of March would be an understatement.
Sunday, March 28, 2010
A Quick Apology
This is me being open. I know that I haven't been the most consistent blogger in the world, but here, I'll make a pledge.
I, the Deuce, will do everything I can to make sure I that I post at least 1 new item on this blog every week (or weekend) unless I am pre-occupied with something more important, like my upcoming wedding/honeymoon. I've been doing this thing where I will type of the posts in Word or Notepad, save them and then just forget to post them online. Thus, there have been a rash of days where I post 3 or 4 entries in a single day. I will make sure that I will post my monthly man crushes on a more timely basis because a lot of people probably stop caring about who I had a crush on the prior month when we are already deep within the current one. I will try to make sure that almost every post I make has some sort of substantive value to it (amount of substance will vary). I will also try to keep the "What I'm Watching" and "What I'm Playing" up-to-date. Although, thanks to these events, I am finding less time blog.
I wish to take this moment to thank my cable company for giving me a weekend of free Showtime. Because of that, the Doc and I spent most of our time indoors watching the entire 4th season of Dexter. Also, my birthday came around recently and the Doc got me Final Fantasy 13,
which is darn near impossible for me to put down. Are these excuses for not blogging? They are to me. Also, for some odd reason, I picked up my old Yu-Gi-Oh Power of Chaos
pc game and started playing that again. Already unlocked all of the cards on the first disc and am now on the Kaiba the Revenge disc. I can't wait until I get to the Joey the Passion disc and get the Dark Magician Girl
card. Not because she's a powerful card. Just always had a fondness for it in a totally non-creepy way.
I, the Deuce, will do everything I can to make sure I that I post at least 1 new item on this blog every week (or weekend) unless I am pre-occupied with something more important, like my upcoming wedding/honeymoon. I've been doing this thing where I will type of the posts in Word or Notepad, save them and then just forget to post them online. Thus, there have been a rash of days where I post 3 or 4 entries in a single day. I will make sure that I will post my monthly man crushes on a more timely basis because a lot of people probably stop caring about who I had a crush on the prior month when we are already deep within the current one. I will try to make sure that almost every post I make has some sort of substantive value to it (amount of substance will vary). I will also try to keep the "What I'm Watching" and "What I'm Playing" up-to-date. Although, thanks to these events, I am finding less time blog.
I wish to take this moment to thank my cable company for giving me a weekend of free Showtime. Because of that, the Doc and I spent most of our time indoors watching the entire 4th season of Dexter. Also, my birthday came around recently and the Doc got me Final Fantasy 13,
which is darn near impossible for me to put down. Are these excuses for not blogging? They are to me. Also, for some odd reason, I picked up my old Yu-Gi-Oh Power of Chaospc game and started playing that again. Already unlocked all of the cards on the first disc and am now on the Kaiba the Revenge disc. I can't wait until I get to the Joey the Passion disc and get the Dark Magician Girlcard. Not because she's a powerful card. Just always had a fondness for it in a totally non-creepy way.
If I Did Dat: Fantastic Four Casting
I’m a fan of the Fantastic Four. I’ve been a fan since I woke up every Saturday morning in 1994 to watch the cartoon on Fox. So it wounded me to see how bad the movie and its sequel were. A lot of it had to do with the piss-poor script and creative licenses the producers seemed to have with canon, but the casting choices were just wrong.
My biggest gripes with the casting choices were who they chose for Dr. Doom and the Invisible Woman.
Julian McMahon is a fine actor and probably did well for what the movies asked of him, but come on, people! Victor Von Doom is not a smarmy New Yorker. He’s a smarmy Eastern European. Dr. Doom is also one of the most feared villains in the Marvel universe and not once did I feel any sense of danger when I saw the movies. Kind of like how the Joker elevated the Dark Knight, Dr. Doom should have elevated the Fantastic Four, but on both attempts, they fell flat.
Jessica Alba is a mega-hottie, but she’s not Sue Storm. It’s very questionable when you have both bleach your hair and put in colored contacts to play a role. I can understand it if you were shooting for an Oscar winner like Sandra Bullock and giving her another Oscar worthy part, but let’s face it, America, we’re not shooting for Oscar gold; we’re aiming for box office gold. Alba hasn’t had a lot of luck being the leading female in a movie (Good Luck Chuck, Love Guru) so she seems to be poisoning her own ability to draw in the crowds. She’s also not the strongest actress on the block. I watched Valentine’s Day with the Doc a couple weeks ago and let’s just say I wasn’t impressed by her performance. I believe her casting in the Fantastic Four was just for eye-candy since the movie seemed to have no idea on how to treat the Invisible Woman.
But enough of my griping, here’s what I would have done.
Reed Richards/Mr. Fantastic: Ewan McGregor
Only at the beginning and already doing something that feels like a stretch. In my head, I wanted someone where if you looked at this group of four, you’d be able to immediately point out that this character was the leader. I didn’t get that Ioan Gruffold. He did a serviceable job in portraying the brainy Reed Richards, but if I had to choose a hero I’d like to have by my side, I want someone a little more… impressive. I wanted a leader and he felt more like another comic relief side-kick. My original thought was to go with David Tennant because I’m a big fan of what he did with Doctor Who and he certainly can portray an elder intellectual who can throw out technical and scientific jargon that’ll make your head spin, but even though he can portray an older man, I can’t get passed the fact that he’s still quite young for my vision of Reed Richards. Plus, I've noticed that this blog is starting to feel like a fansite for him. Let’s call him an investment in case the movie gets postponed 5-10 years. But if the movie had to be made today, I’d have to go with Ewan McGregor. I’m mostly familiar with him through his work on the Star Wars prequels as Obi-Wan Kenobi and he did a great job. I can believe he’s a leader. I can believe he’s smarter than the average bear. I can even believe he can kick my ass if there’s no other choice. Just watch his final dual with Anakin Skywalker or even his fight against General Greivous in Revenge of the Sith
, you'll see what I'm talking about.
Ben Grimm/The Thing (if make-up): Nathan Jones
I thought Michael Chiklis did a fine job as the loveable, blue-eyed Thing. But it never worked for me when he was in that laughable makeup. It was so caked on that and awkward looking that I couldn’t get past the fact that it was a person under there. So why not choose an actor that doesn’t require that much make-up in the first place? I’m not going to go into too much detail about why I chose Nathan Jones if we use make-up. Just watch The Protector or Fearless and you’ll see why he probably won’t need to be as layered in plaster and rubber like Chiklis was. Of course, I'd probably need someone with some more acting chops than just being able to grunt and beat up smaller people... or do I? Well, let's just put man-in-make-up expert Ron Perlman as a backup option since I've been wowed by him in Hellboy 2.
Ben Grimm/The Thing (if cg): Kiefer Sutherland
What if all we needed was a man in the beginning of the movie and then his voice for a CG Thing for the rest of the movie? Well then we’ll need the perfect man to answer the phone. He may not be as physically imposing as Michael Chiklis, but imagine the voice. He’s got that raspy tension in his voice that would make a puppy sound threatening. Plus, one of the main characteristics of the Thing is that he doesn’t want to be the Thing and if he used to look like Kiefer Sutherland, then I’d want to go back to looking like Kiefer Sutherland too.
Johnny Storm/Human Torch: Chris Pine
This was a tough one. Not because I couldn’t think of someone who would be great for the role. It was a tough call on whether I would keep the incumbent Chris Evans in the role or not. Out of the casts of the movies, I thought he was the best fit. Of course, that’s like saying he was the fastest runner in a one-legged race. But I went with Chris Pine instead, because his Captain Kirk in the new Star Trek movie is pretty much what I want in the Human Torch: cocky, quick-witted, charming, and reliable when needed. Also, if I was writing the movie, I’d tone down the jerk-levels they seemed to be focused on cranking up to 11 in the previous films.
PS, Congrats to Chris Evans for landing the role of Captain America. I guess this means that the Fantastic Four are guaranteed to not be in the Avengers movie.
Sue Storm/The Invisible Woman: Kaley Cuoco
Why Kaley Cuoco? Because she can bring the nerds. As the almost unattainable girl-next-door love interest in The Big Bang Theory, she’s made many geeks, nerds, and socially-inept men get down on their knees and thank the Heavens for bringing her to their TV screens almost every week. Is she hotter than Jessica Alba? That’s debatable. Is she a stronger actress than Jessica Alba? I’ve never seen Kaley Cuoco in a role outside of the show’s bubbly yet independent character, so I can’t judge that yet. Will she bring the nerds? Yes, she will. Alba was the comic book geek queen in the last 90s and early 2000s with her starting out in Dark Angel, becoming a bona fide hottie, and then doing a lasso dance in Sin City before taking the reins for Fantasic Four. I can see Kaley Cuoco being the next Jessica Alba. Also, having her being a young actress and Ewan McGregor being an older gentleman fits quite nicely to the age disparity in the actual comics.
Victor von Doom/Dr. Doom: Jude Law
Where does Hollywood go when they need an evil German? England, of course. Dr. Doom isn’t German, but since his country of Latvaria isn’t real either, so I’ll equate it to 1940’s Germany or a former Soviet republic. But it can’t be just any British actor. We’d need someone who can play an egomaniacal narcissist who can actually backup his claims… Jude Law. Another thing about Dr. Doom is that before he had a scarred face, he was quite a looker, which was probably the original reason why Julian McMahon was cast before.
Silver Surfer: Brent Spiner
Here’s another nibble for geek-dom. Silver Surfer is supposed to start out as a cold and almost mechanical being who evolves into a more feeling and moral character. Since I absolutely won’t accept a dude in makeup for this role, we only need a voice and the perfect voice for me is Brett Spiner, who played Data in Star Trek: TNG.
Galactus: Kevin Conroy
Who I really wanted for this role was Tony Jay, who did the voice of Frollo from Disney’s The Hunchback of Notre Dame, but he passed away in 2006 so instead, I’m going to pull a fast one and choose my favorite baritone voice actor, Kevin Conroy, who most famously does the voice of Batman in many of his animated adventures and video games. And if you can imagine a gigantic being that eats planets, of course his voice would be a deep baritone. In the sequel, I felt duped when the only vision of Galactus we got was a mere shadow in swirling clouds. I want Galactus to be a living, breathing character with Kevin Conroy’s voice, even if that means we’ll need to have a scene where he eats a planet like a cheeseburger (I know, he doesn’t eat a planet like that, but who knows what dumb thing Hollywood might try).
Quick Hits: These are characters I can remember from Fantastic Four lore that weren’t in the movies and probably will never be in the movies. Well, except for the Super Skrull. These have to be quick hits because, oh man, there's a lot of them.
Mole-man: Clint Howard, yeah, too easy.
Super Skrull: Nathan Jones, if he isn’t already Ben Grimm. Javier Bardem, which he still creeps me out after I saw No Country For Old Men. I was half-expecting to see him flip a coin in Vicky Christina Barcelona
. If he requests that the Super Skrull flip a coin to choose whether or not to kill someone, I'm willing to listen to his suggestion. That scene still gives me goosebumps.
Puppet Master: John Malcavich, for a lame character with a cool power, I've seen many interpretations on what the Puppet Master looks like. Let's just go with Malcavich on this one.
The Impossible Man: David Tennant, he can easily play a cartoonish, child-friendly character like that.
Franklin Richards (child): unknown child actor
Franklin Richards (adult): Justin Hartley… kind of looks like the love child of Ewan McGregor and Kaley Cuoco.
Valeria Richards (child): unknown child actor.
Valeria Richards (adult): Lauren C. Mayhew. I'm not familiar with her skills, but I really doubt anyone would put this character in the movie.
Lyja: Gemma Arterton, don’t recognize the name? She was Strawberry Fields in Quantum of Solace
(the chick that got covered in motor oil) and she’s going to be in the upcoming Prince of Persia movie. I can imagine her in green body paint and a skin tight outfit.
Alicia Masters: Jayma Mays, I've been a sucker for as the damsel-in-distress since the first season of Heroes when Hiro couldn't save her.
Namor: Michael Phelps, who else would you choose to play a dark haired Aquaman rip-off?
Agatha Harkness: Jane Lynch. I wanted to go with the Supernanny on this, but decided against it. Did I make the right Decision?
See what I mean? And I barely scratched the surface.
My biggest gripes with the casting choices were who they chose for Dr. Doom and the Invisible Woman.
Julian McMahon is a fine actor and probably did well for what the movies asked of him, but come on, people! Victor Von Doom is not a smarmy New Yorker. He’s a smarmy Eastern European. Dr. Doom is also one of the most feared villains in the Marvel universe and not once did I feel any sense of danger when I saw the movies. Kind of like how the Joker elevated the Dark Knight, Dr. Doom should have elevated the Fantastic Four, but on both attempts, they fell flat.
Jessica Alba is a mega-hottie, but she’s not Sue Storm. It’s very questionable when you have both bleach your hair and put in colored contacts to play a role. I can understand it if you were shooting for an Oscar winner like Sandra Bullock and giving her another Oscar worthy part, but let’s face it, America, we’re not shooting for Oscar gold; we’re aiming for box office gold. Alba hasn’t had a lot of luck being the leading female in a movie (Good Luck Chuck, Love Guru) so she seems to be poisoning her own ability to draw in the crowds. She’s also not the strongest actress on the block. I watched Valentine’s Day with the Doc a couple weeks ago and let’s just say I wasn’t impressed by her performance. I believe her casting in the Fantastic Four was just for eye-candy since the movie seemed to have no idea on how to treat the Invisible Woman.
But enough of my griping, here’s what I would have done.
Reed Richards/Mr. Fantastic: Ewan McGregor
Only at the beginning and already doing something that feels like a stretch. In my head, I wanted someone where if you looked at this group of four, you’d be able to immediately point out that this character was the leader. I didn’t get that Ioan Gruffold. He did a serviceable job in portraying the brainy Reed Richards, but if I had to choose a hero I’d like to have by my side, I want someone a little more… impressive. I wanted a leader and he felt more like another comic relief side-kick. My original thought was to go with David Tennant because I’m a big fan of what he did with Doctor Who and he certainly can portray an elder intellectual who can throw out technical and scientific jargon that’ll make your head spin, but even though he can portray an older man, I can’t get passed the fact that he’s still quite young for my vision of Reed Richards. Plus, I've noticed that this blog is starting to feel like a fansite for him. Let’s call him an investment in case the movie gets postponed 5-10 years. But if the movie had to be made today, I’d have to go with Ewan McGregor. I’m mostly familiar with him through his work on the Star Wars prequels as Obi-Wan Kenobi and he did a great job. I can believe he’s a leader. I can believe he’s smarter than the average bear. I can even believe he can kick my ass if there’s no other choice. Just watch his final dual with Anakin Skywalker or even his fight against General Greivous in Revenge of the Sith
, you'll see what I'm talking about.Ben Grimm/The Thing (if make-up): Nathan Jones
I thought Michael Chiklis did a fine job as the loveable, blue-eyed Thing. But it never worked for me when he was in that laughable makeup. It was so caked on that and awkward looking that I couldn’t get past the fact that it was a person under there. So why not choose an actor that doesn’t require that much make-up in the first place? I’m not going to go into too much detail about why I chose Nathan Jones if we use make-up. Just watch The Protector or Fearless and you’ll see why he probably won’t need to be as layered in plaster and rubber like Chiklis was. Of course, I'd probably need someone with some more acting chops than just being able to grunt and beat up smaller people... or do I? Well, let's just put man-in-make-up expert Ron Perlman as a backup option since I've been wowed by him in Hellboy 2.
Ben Grimm/The Thing (if cg): Kiefer Sutherland
What if all we needed was a man in the beginning of the movie and then his voice for a CG Thing for the rest of the movie? Well then we’ll need the perfect man to answer the phone. He may not be as physically imposing as Michael Chiklis, but imagine the voice. He’s got that raspy tension in his voice that would make a puppy sound threatening. Plus, one of the main characteristics of the Thing is that he doesn’t want to be the Thing and if he used to look like Kiefer Sutherland, then I’d want to go back to looking like Kiefer Sutherland too.
Johnny Storm/Human Torch: Chris Pine
This was a tough one. Not because I couldn’t think of someone who would be great for the role. It was a tough call on whether I would keep the incumbent Chris Evans in the role or not. Out of the casts of the movies, I thought he was the best fit. Of course, that’s like saying he was the fastest runner in a one-legged race. But I went with Chris Pine instead, because his Captain Kirk in the new Star Trek movie is pretty much what I want in the Human Torch: cocky, quick-witted, charming, and reliable when needed. Also, if I was writing the movie, I’d tone down the jerk-levels they seemed to be focused on cranking up to 11 in the previous films.
PS, Congrats to Chris Evans for landing the role of Captain America. I guess this means that the Fantastic Four are guaranteed to not be in the Avengers movie.
Sue Storm/The Invisible Woman: Kaley Cuoco
Why Kaley Cuoco? Because she can bring the nerds. As the almost unattainable girl-next-door love interest in The Big Bang Theory, she’s made many geeks, nerds, and socially-inept men get down on their knees and thank the Heavens for bringing her to their TV screens almost every week. Is she hotter than Jessica Alba? That’s debatable. Is she a stronger actress than Jessica Alba? I’ve never seen Kaley Cuoco in a role outside of the show’s bubbly yet independent character, so I can’t judge that yet. Will she bring the nerds? Yes, she will. Alba was the comic book geek queen in the last 90s and early 2000s with her starting out in Dark Angel, becoming a bona fide hottie, and then doing a lasso dance in Sin City before taking the reins for Fantasic Four. I can see Kaley Cuoco being the next Jessica Alba. Also, having her being a young actress and Ewan McGregor being an older gentleman fits quite nicely to the age disparity in the actual comics.
Victor von Doom/Dr. Doom: Jude Law
Where does Hollywood go when they need an evil German? England, of course. Dr. Doom isn’t German, but since his country of Latvaria isn’t real either, so I’ll equate it to 1940’s Germany or a former Soviet republic. But it can’t be just any British actor. We’d need someone who can play an egomaniacal narcissist who can actually backup his claims… Jude Law. Another thing about Dr. Doom is that before he had a scarred face, he was quite a looker, which was probably the original reason why Julian McMahon was cast before.
Silver Surfer: Brent Spiner
Here’s another nibble for geek-dom. Silver Surfer is supposed to start out as a cold and almost mechanical being who evolves into a more feeling and moral character. Since I absolutely won’t accept a dude in makeup for this role, we only need a voice and the perfect voice for me is Brett Spiner, who played Data in Star Trek: TNG.
Galactus: Kevin Conroy
Who I really wanted for this role was Tony Jay, who did the voice of Frollo from Disney’s The Hunchback of Notre Dame, but he passed away in 2006 so instead, I’m going to pull a fast one and choose my favorite baritone voice actor, Kevin Conroy, who most famously does the voice of Batman in many of his animated adventures and video games. And if you can imagine a gigantic being that eats planets, of course his voice would be a deep baritone. In the sequel, I felt duped when the only vision of Galactus we got was a mere shadow in swirling clouds. I want Galactus to be a living, breathing character with Kevin Conroy’s voice, even if that means we’ll need to have a scene where he eats a planet like a cheeseburger (I know, he doesn’t eat a planet like that, but who knows what dumb thing Hollywood might try).
Quick Hits: These are characters I can remember from Fantastic Four lore that weren’t in the movies and probably will never be in the movies. Well, except for the Super Skrull. These have to be quick hits because, oh man, there's a lot of them.
Mole-man: Clint Howard, yeah, too easy.
Super Skrull: Nathan Jones, if he isn’t already Ben Grimm. Javier Bardem, which he still creeps me out after I saw No Country For Old Men. I was half-expecting to see him flip a coin in Vicky Christina Barcelona
. If he requests that the Super Skrull flip a coin to choose whether or not to kill someone, I'm willing to listen to his suggestion. That scene still gives me goosebumps.Puppet Master: John Malcavich, for a lame character with a cool power, I've seen many interpretations on what the Puppet Master looks like. Let's just go with Malcavich on this one.
The Impossible Man: David Tennant, he can easily play a cartoonish, child-friendly character like that.
Franklin Richards (child): unknown child actor
Franklin Richards (adult): Justin Hartley… kind of looks like the love child of Ewan McGregor and Kaley Cuoco.
Valeria Richards (child): unknown child actor.
Valeria Richards (adult): Lauren C. Mayhew. I'm not familiar with her skills, but I really doubt anyone would put this character in the movie.
Lyja: Gemma Arterton, don’t recognize the name? She was Strawberry Fields in Quantum of Solace
(the chick that got covered in motor oil) and she’s going to be in the upcoming Prince of Persia movie. I can imagine her in green body paint and a skin tight outfit.Alicia Masters: Jayma Mays, I've been a sucker for as the damsel-in-distress since the first season of Heroes when Hiro couldn't save her.
Namor: Michael Phelps, who else would you choose to play a dark haired Aquaman rip-off?
Agatha Harkness: Jane Lynch. I wanted to go with the Supernanny on this, but decided against it. Did I make the right Decision?
See what I mean? And I barely scratched the surface.
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Man Crush of February 2010: Sam Smith (Chicago Bulls Columnist)
Runners-up: Robert Downey Jr. (Iron-Man 2), Alec Baldwin (30 Rock), Michael Shanks (Smallville), Eric Dane and Patrick Dempsey (Valentine’s Day)
In a month where love is in the air, an entertainment depression hits you because there’s almost nothing new on television due to the Winter Olympics and box office has stopped catering to my demographic until the summer months come around. But even though the month is both slow and short, there were plenty of diamonds in the ruff to keep my interest peaked and in fact, made for a lot of runners-up.
With Sherlock Holmes checked off on my list of Robert Downey Jr. films I want to see, my attentions were now focused on the summer flick of Iron-Man 2, which looks like it’s going to be a really fun movie to watch. Alec Baldwin has been stellar on 30 Rock and thanks to the magic of DVR, I’ve been able to watch every episode through Anna Howard Shaw Day. Plus, I watched It’s Complicated and he was hilarious in that film. Michael Shanks played Hawkman in the Smallville TV-movie Absolute Justice, but he also gains man-crush-worthiness from his roles in Stargate SG-1 and my fave show Burn Notice. Lastly, Eric Dane and Patrick Dempsey get a nod for the fact that I enjoyed the Valentine’s Day movie and Grey’s Anatomy hasn’t been disappointing this month.
I’m a Chicago Bulls fan, no secret there, so I had to throw in a celebratory high-five to Sam Smith, the Bulls reporter who does game-by-game blog recaps, has a weekly “column” on the bulls.com website, does an around-the-league video report, and has the daunting task of answering mail, because the Bulls are on a hot streak and have take a strong foothold into being able to get into the playoffs this year. So why Sam Smith instead of someone like star point guard Derrick Rose or fan-favorite Joakim Noah? It’s because I haven’t watched an entire game live on television at all this season and the only writer that’s been able to hit all of the notes I care about in a game is Sam Smith.
In all honesty, I’ve never heard of him until sometime late last year. Sorry, Sam. But that was because I was stuck in a rut of getting my sports news fix from ESPN and CNN. Well, my work decided to ding me for using the external Internet too much because ESPN went pop-up crazy on me a couple times so that cut ESPN. CNN’s SI was okay, like a crutch is okay if I break my leg, but I don’t want to be stuck using it for the rest of my life. CNN has some great b-ball writers, like Chris Mannix and Ian Thompsen, but there are only so many times I can read a column about Lebron James or Kobe Bryant. I’m a Bulls fan. I wanted Bulls material. Thankfully, CNN had a section specific to news by team, so I clicked on Bulls and, not surprisingly, there was a lot of stuff from the Chicago Sun Times or the Chicago Herald, but then I saw it: blogabull.com. I had no idea that there were official blog sites dedicated to a specific team. Well, I knew there was, but I didn’t realize they were so well done. Well from there, I saw some fan posts and fan shots referencing a writer named Sam Smith and through a link on blogabull.com, I found bulls.com and Sam Smith.
At first, I only read his blog entries for the game-to-game recaps of the Bulls games. Then I got sucked into his weekly column about the NBA and any Bulls related news. Then I started reading his weekly mailbag and loved his comical/sensible replies to not just Bulls fans, but basketball fans. Now I’m watching his weekly streamed videos and check the website about 4-5 times a day at work just to see if there’s anything new in his blog (he also does some blogs about whatever strikes his interest with the team or in the NBA in general). Heck, thanks to Sam Smith, I’m also watching the website’s quick game video recap done by Chuck Swirsky.
There’s also the bonus factor of him having and loving a career that almost all men wish they could have: sports writer. What guy wouldn’t love to be able to get paid to watch a game and then have other people read their opinions on the game? Sure, he’s focused on the Bulls and stretches out into the entire NBA, but if you love a team, you wouldn’t mind focusing on reporting on them.
It’s also been an unusually tough month for the Deuce professionally (work sucks) and personally (car got towed along with other things that kept the blood pumping with fear or rage). I have two people I can credit for keeping me going through this month. First, the Doc, who always provided a shoulder I can lean on. Second, Sam Smith, for giving me a couple minutes every now and then where I can escape from the hectic hullabaloo around me. You, sir, are a godsend. Oh, and “Go Bulls!”
In a month where love is in the air, an entertainment depression hits you because there’s almost nothing new on television due to the Winter Olympics and box office has stopped catering to my demographic until the summer months come around. But even though the month is both slow and short, there were plenty of diamonds in the ruff to keep my interest peaked and in fact, made for a lot of runners-up.
With Sherlock Holmes checked off on my list of Robert Downey Jr. films I want to see, my attentions were now focused on the summer flick of Iron-Man 2, which looks like it’s going to be a really fun movie to watch. Alec Baldwin has been stellar on 30 Rock and thanks to the magic of DVR, I’ve been able to watch every episode through Anna Howard Shaw Day. Plus, I watched It’s Complicated and he was hilarious in that film. Michael Shanks played Hawkman in the Smallville TV-movie Absolute Justice, but he also gains man-crush-worthiness from his roles in Stargate SG-1 and my fave show Burn Notice. Lastly, Eric Dane and Patrick Dempsey get a nod for the fact that I enjoyed the Valentine’s Day movie and Grey’s Anatomy hasn’t been disappointing this month.
I’m a Chicago Bulls fan, no secret there, so I had to throw in a celebratory high-five to Sam Smith, the Bulls reporter who does game-by-game blog recaps, has a weekly “column” on the bulls.com website, does an around-the-league video report, and has the daunting task of answering mail, because the Bulls are on a hot streak and have take a strong foothold into being able to get into the playoffs this year. So why Sam Smith instead of someone like star point guard Derrick Rose or fan-favorite Joakim Noah? It’s because I haven’t watched an entire game live on television at all this season and the only writer that’s been able to hit all of the notes I care about in a game is Sam Smith.
In all honesty, I’ve never heard of him until sometime late last year. Sorry, Sam. But that was because I was stuck in a rut of getting my sports news fix from ESPN and CNN. Well, my work decided to ding me for using the external Internet too much because ESPN went pop-up crazy on me a couple times so that cut ESPN. CNN’s SI was okay, like a crutch is okay if I break my leg, but I don’t want to be stuck using it for the rest of my life. CNN has some great b-ball writers, like Chris Mannix and Ian Thompsen, but there are only so many times I can read a column about Lebron James or Kobe Bryant. I’m a Bulls fan. I wanted Bulls material. Thankfully, CNN had a section specific to news by team, so I clicked on Bulls and, not surprisingly, there was a lot of stuff from the Chicago Sun Times or the Chicago Herald, but then I saw it: blogabull.com. I had no idea that there were official blog sites dedicated to a specific team. Well, I knew there was, but I didn’t realize they were so well done. Well from there, I saw some fan posts and fan shots referencing a writer named Sam Smith and through a link on blogabull.com, I found bulls.com and Sam Smith.
At first, I only read his blog entries for the game-to-game recaps of the Bulls games. Then I got sucked into his weekly column about the NBA and any Bulls related news. Then I started reading his weekly mailbag and loved his comical/sensible replies to not just Bulls fans, but basketball fans. Now I’m watching his weekly streamed videos and check the website about 4-5 times a day at work just to see if there’s anything new in his blog (he also does some blogs about whatever strikes his interest with the team or in the NBA in general). Heck, thanks to Sam Smith, I’m also watching the website’s quick game video recap done by Chuck Swirsky.
There’s also the bonus factor of him having and loving a career that almost all men wish they could have: sports writer. What guy wouldn’t love to be able to get paid to watch a game and then have other people read their opinions on the game? Sure, he’s focused on the Bulls and stretches out into the entire NBA, but if you love a team, you wouldn’t mind focusing on reporting on them.
It’s also been an unusually tough month for the Deuce professionally (work sucks) and personally (car got towed along with other things that kept the blood pumping with fear or rage). I have two people I can credit for keeping me going through this month. First, the Doc, who always provided a shoulder I can lean on. Second, Sam Smith, for giving me a couple minutes every now and then where I can escape from the hectic hullabaloo around me. You, sir, are a godsend. Oh, and “Go Bulls!”
Video Game Review: Marvel Vs Capcom 2 (PSN)
For the entire month of February, work has sucked. Sure, I’m glad that I still have a job with the way the economy has been brutalized for the past couple of years, but surely there’s a limit to how much of a pounding a corporation can lay into an employee. I can’t complain to the folks because they’ll give you the old “Well, in my day” spiel. I can’t complain to the Doc because she’s witnessed months where my job has been cake while hers has been a more consistent pain in the backside. So what do I do for an outlet? Why, I throw down in fisticuffs with Spiderman, a mummy, and a giant Mexican cactus.
Confused?
I just described a 3-man team I faced off against in Marvel Vs Capcom 2, which I purchased through the Playstation Network when it was on sale for 50% off (paid $7.49, regular price $14.99). It was a close fight as I had never played with my combination of characters at the time (Cyclops from the X-Men, Megaman, and a cat-girl) but I was able to pull off a wicked super combo type move and basically blasted the cactus back to Mexico.
Down to its core, this game is a 2-D fighter, like Street Fighter or the King of Fighters games, and because this game is basically a port of the arcade game that debuted around 2000, the graphics are mind blowing to today’s standards. But they get the job done. The backgrounds are cool moving 3-D scenes and even though the fighters are in 2-D, their special attacks and movements are not hurt by the graphical limitations. Since the game was created in 2000, when widescreen TVs weren’t as common as they are today, the game does give you the option to put of letter boxes on of the sides to make the screen square or you can have the boxes removed and play the game in widescreen glory. The only drawback I saw with going to widescreen is that some of the graphics get cut off, or more likely, just start to pop in where the squared screen would have started. Minor visual mistake at worst.
In my opinion, the graphics are not its strong-point, but that’s like saying Mickey Mantle isn’t the greatest baseball player ever (probably true, but not a bad player to have anyway). The strong point for this game is its character roster of 56 playable fighters. That’s right, 56! Sure, Tekken 6 came out a while ago and boasts a roster that could fill a football stadium, getting 56 characters in a downloadable game is just incredible. And unlike the Tekken 6 roster, most of the characters in MvsC2 are recognizable due to affiliations outside of the game, like Wolverine, Ironman, or the Hulk. The Marvel side is filled with the A-list of favorites. The Capcom side is a little bit of a head scratcher to me, maybe because I don’t play enough Capcom games outside of Street Fighter, but it was cool to see characters outside of Street Fighter be included like Jill Valentine from Resident Evil.
I heard there was a story about how the two universes got mashed together, but I’ve been spending so much time in the 3 vs. 3 battles and seeing what kinds of super combos I can get, I haven’t done much searching for that.
A cool aspect of the game is the online multiplayer, which I basically get spanked at and thrown to the curb, but it’s entertaining to see how well I can fare. I can beat a 40-year-old man, but I’m embarrassed and sent home crying by a 12-year-old girl scout. There is no way I can truly tell who I’m playing, but if they have the headsets, I can I hear them talk and that’s what I gather for what I heard.
This game is fun and easy to just pick up the controller and start mashing buttons. At the price I got it, definitely worth it. Might be a little questionable for $15, but you could do far worse.
Overall: BUY IT
Confused?
I just described a 3-man team I faced off against in Marvel Vs Capcom 2, which I purchased through the Playstation Network when it was on sale for 50% off (paid $7.49, regular price $14.99). It was a close fight as I had never played with my combination of characters at the time (Cyclops from the X-Men, Megaman, and a cat-girl) but I was able to pull off a wicked super combo type move and basically blasted the cactus back to Mexico.
Down to its core, this game is a 2-D fighter, like Street Fighter or the King of Fighters games, and because this game is basically a port of the arcade game that debuted around 2000, the graphics are mind blowing to today’s standards. But they get the job done. The backgrounds are cool moving 3-D scenes and even though the fighters are in 2-D, their special attacks and movements are not hurt by the graphical limitations. Since the game was created in 2000, when widescreen TVs weren’t as common as they are today, the game does give you the option to put of letter boxes on of the sides to make the screen square or you can have the boxes removed and play the game in widescreen glory. The only drawback I saw with going to widescreen is that some of the graphics get cut off, or more likely, just start to pop in where the squared screen would have started. Minor visual mistake at worst.
In my opinion, the graphics are not its strong-point, but that’s like saying Mickey Mantle isn’t the greatest baseball player ever (probably true, but not a bad player to have anyway). The strong point for this game is its character roster of 56 playable fighters. That’s right, 56! Sure, Tekken 6 came out a while ago and boasts a roster that could fill a football stadium, getting 56 characters in a downloadable game is just incredible. And unlike the Tekken 6 roster, most of the characters in MvsC2 are recognizable due to affiliations outside of the game, like Wolverine, Ironman, or the Hulk. The Marvel side is filled with the A-list of favorites. The Capcom side is a little bit of a head scratcher to me, maybe because I don’t play enough Capcom games outside of Street Fighter, but it was cool to see characters outside of Street Fighter be included like Jill Valentine from Resident Evil.
I heard there was a story about how the two universes got mashed together, but I’ve been spending so much time in the 3 vs. 3 battles and seeing what kinds of super combos I can get, I haven’t done much searching for that.
A cool aspect of the game is the online multiplayer, which I basically get spanked at and thrown to the curb, but it’s entertaining to see how well I can fare. I can beat a 40-year-old man, but I’m embarrassed and sent home crying by a 12-year-old girl scout. There is no way I can truly tell who I’m playing, but if they have the headsets, I can I hear them talk and that’s what I gather for what I heard.
This game is fun and easy to just pick up the controller and start mashing buttons. At the price I got it, definitely worth it. Might be a little questionable for $15, but you could do far worse.
Overall: BUY IT
Oscar 2010 Review
Well, America, the Oscars came and went with some upsets (still not sure how an award for achievement can have upsets as if it were a boxing match) and some well deserved praise. I caught most of the beginning, including some of the red carpet, but then decided to change the channel and watch something else on the DVR with the Doc.
I heard rumors that Kathy Ireland was drunk during her stint on the red carpet. I didn't see that. Of course, I only caught the tail end of the entire thing and was more focused on the people being interviewed than the interviewers. I was a little miffed that they still ask "Who are you wearing?" as if that was what I cared about. What ever happened to, "Who are your favorites to win?" or "What projects do you have coming up?" I would have also accepted, "What was it like making [INSERT MOVIE]?" Also, Jeff Bridges looked as high as the Dude (The Big Lebowski) with the wicked beard.
Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin did a great job hosting. After the okay opening by Neil Patrick Harris, their monologue (can you call it a monologue with 2 people?) was hilarious. High point was when they made fun of George Clooney. Low point, so I heard, was the omission of Farah Fawcett from a slide show of the people who died this year. An even lower point is that people seem to have forgotten that Bea Arthur wasn't in there either. Maybe the people in the slide show are only for those that were in movies. I only remember those 2 from TV.
Here's the rundown and my colorful commentary from the awards that don't matter to the awards that I should care about more except for that fact that I don't.
Sound Editing
Avatar
The Hurt Locker
[WINNER]
Inglourious Basterds
Star Trek
Up
My initial instinct was that Avatar was going to win this, hands down. Then I saw that the Hurt Locker won... WTF? If I actually cared about awards like this one, I might make a big stink about it. I'm assuming the "editing" portion means that the sounds don't overlap or run over in scenes. Like you hear an explosion and the boom is still running through the movie after a scene cut. Maybe the judges saw that some of the tree branches in Avatar that didn't rustle enough in their opinions.
Sound Mixing
Avatar
The Hurt Locker [WINNER]
Inglourious Basterds
Star Trek
Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
Last year, the winner was The Dark Knight and I could understand it because they made all of the sounds far crisper and bigger than they probably would have been in real life. So how in the world did Hurt Locker beat Avatar? This was definitely a head scratcher. Maybe the judges were impressed by how crisp the sound of the soldier cutting wires? Maybe the judges went into sensory overload after watching Avatar? Maybe the judges were impressed by the sounds of footsteps in the Hurt Locker? Maybe the judges thought that the Na'vi should all sound like ET and not like Uhura from Star Trek or CCH Pounder.
But Kudos to the Academy for nominating Star Trek twice for sounds.
Visual Effects
Avatar [WINNER]
District 9
Star Trek
Ok, this one I was willing to accept any of the three nominees (why only 3?) as the winner. Distinct 9 impressed me with the aliens and the weaponry. Sure it's not as great as the other 2, but definitely impressive. Star Trek was incredible. The space battles were fantastic. Avatar, deservedly so, won because I almost went into a diabetic coma with all of the sweet visuals. I used to watch movies and think, "I could have designed something better." Then I watched Transformers and realized I'm not detail-oriented enough. Then I watched Avatar and hung up whatever hopes and chances I thought I had. You win this round, Cameron.
Makeup
Il Divo
Star Trek [WINNER]
The Young Victoria
Hurray, Star Trek! You beat two movies I've either never heard of and never want to watch. I guess Vulcan ears and turning Eric Bana into a Kiebler Elf was enough for Star Trek to pull in this victory for nerd-kind.
Music (Original Score)
Avatar
Fantastic Mr. Fox
The Hurt Locker
Sherlock Holmes
Up [WINNER]
This was a shocker to me in a good way. First off, I wasn't even aware that The Hurt Locker had music in it. Sherlock Holmes, although I loved the movie, had an aggravatingly twangy violin score that often slapped me across the face to pull me out of the movie. Fantastic Mr. Fox... never watched it. I thought Avatar was going to win it because I thought all of the scenes were enriched by the musical score, but apparently the Academy continued its "FU Cameron" by giving the award to Up. Loved the musical score in Up. Definitely enriched the dialogue-less beginning that made me weep like baby.
Music (Original Song)
"Almost There" from "The Princess and the Frog"
"Down in New Orleans" from "The Princess and the Frog"
"Loin de Paname" from "Paris 36"
"Take it All" from "Nine
"
"The Weary Kind (Theme from "Crazy Heart") from "Crazy Heart" [WINNER]
First off, this felt like a really weak group of nominees. Remember when you couldn't get that Celine Dion song from Titantic out of your head? Remember when the Aladin song was playing on the radio 24/7? None of these songs did that and it felt like a real stretch when they pulled songs from Paris 36 and Nine and had to dip twice into the Disney bucket. I've never heard of any of these songs but knew that Crazy Heart was going to win it because of all the critical acclaimation it got. I just didn't know it was being sung by Colin Farrell. That was a surprise.
Short Film, Live Action
The Door
Instead of Abracadabra
Kavi
Miracle Fish
The New Tenants [WINNER]
Never heard or watched any of these movies. Can't believe they wasted air-time on short film categories. I don't know a single person that has gone up to me and said, "Hey, you want to go watch a short film?" Where do they even show these films? So I'll make up my own ideas on what these movies are about. The Door is a horror movie about a door being delivered to a home only to find out that it's too big so the people who bought it decide to cut it down to make it fit. Instead of Abracadabra is sad tale about, what else, dead rabbits. Kavi is about the cousins of the Na'vi in Avatar and we learn why Sigourney Weaver decided to just ignore them. Miracle Fish is about the 1972 Miami Dolphins and ends with (SPOILER ALERT) a message to Tom Brady telling him to, "Suck it." The winner, The New Tenants, is just 15 minutes of topless women jumping up and down in front of the camera. Yeah, I would have voted for that one too.
Short Film, Animated
French Toast
Granny O'Grimm's Sleeping Beauty
The Lady and the Reaper
Logorama [WINNER]
A Matter of Loaf and Death
Another short film category? And what's the deal with the bread? Two of the nominated short films here have something to do with bread in their titles. I probably would have voted for Logorama on the sheer fact that the title makes me think it's about doody.... wait a minute... is it Log-orama or Logo-rama? Forget it. I'll just vote for The Lady and the Reaper because it sounds like a funny sequel to Lady and the Tramp.
Documentary Short
China's Unnatural Disaster: The Tears of Sichuan Province
The Last Campaign of Governor Booth Gardner
The Last Truck: Closing of a GM Plant
Music by Prudence [WINNER]
Rabbit à la Berlin
Heard some crazy lady took the mic from the director/producer and started rambling about whatever it is that crazy people rant about. Didn't see it live. Would have been funnier if George Clooney did that Jeff Bridges.
Best Documentary Feature
Burma VJ
The Cove [WINNER]
Food, Inc.
The Most Dangerous Man in America: Daniel Ellsberg and the Pentagon Papers
Which Way Home
Huh, no Michael Moore movie this year? Oh well, I just sing to fill in some empty space.
*Ahem*
It's Peanut Butter Jelly Time! Peanut Butter Jelly Time! Peanut Butter Jelly Time! Peanut Butter Jelly Time! Peanut Butter Jelly! Peanut Butter Jelly! Peanut Butter Jelly with a baseball bat! Peanut Butter Jelly! Peanut Butter Jelly! Peanut Butter Jelly with a baseball bat!
Costume Design
Bright Star
Coco Before Chanel
The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus
Nine
The Young Victoria [WINNER]
Oh, a movie based in Victorian England wins the award for best costume design? Oh, how original! Since I actually haven't watched any of these 5 nominees, I just don't care.
Cinematography
Avatar[WINNER]
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
The Hurt Locker
Inglourious Basterds
The White Ribbon
Really? Harry Potter was nominated? And what's The White Ribbon? If I knew what "cinematography" is, I'm sure I'd be pissed. At least Avatar is going home with some hardware (along with billions of dollars from ticket sales).
Best Film Editing
Avatar
District 9
The Hurt Locker [WINNER]
Inglourious Basterds
Precious
Not sure what the difference is between film editing and directing. Unless the film editing is all about the scene transitions. I'm a personal fan of the Star Wars movies and their use of every possible PowerPoint slide transition known to man for their scene transitions.
Art Direction
Avatar
[WINNER]
The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus
Nine
Sherlock Holmes
The Young Victoria
You bet your ass Avatar won this one. That's another win for Avatar in a category that no one cares about. When are we getting to awards that will actually be talked about the next morning?
Best Foreign-Language Film
Ajami
El Secreto de Sus Ojos [WINNER]
The Milk of Sorrow
Un Prophète
The White Ribbon
Oh, so the White Ribbon was a foreign film... my money is that it's a pretencious French film that's actually about a ribbon, like that Red Balloon flick I see a lot of spoofs about. Ajami is probably about pajamas. El Secreto de Sus Ojos is probably a reenactment of the OJ Simpson murders. The Milk of Sorrow is what I used to see a lot of before I met the Doc, so I expect to see some royalty checks coming my way. Un Prophete is probably the tale of the worlds one true prophet: Slartibartfast.
Adapted Screenplay
District 9
An Education
In the Loop
Precious [WINNER]
Up in the Air
District 9 was a book? That was surprising.
Original Screenplay
The Hurt Locker [WINNER]
Inglourious Basterds
The Messenger
A Serious Man
Up
Now the Oscars are just yanking me around. How did the Hurt Locker beat Inglorious Basterds? I'm surprised Quentin Tarantino didn't jump on stage and shove his fist down Oscar's throat. I'm not a huge fan of Tarantino, but when it comes to writing an original story, he is downright magical. You totally missed on this one, Oscar. Shame on you. Side note: congrats to Up for being nominated.
Animated Feature
Up [WINNER]
Coraline
Fantastic Mr. Fox
The Princess and the Frog
The Secret of Kells
Like a fat kid running to a table of donuts, you better not get in Pixar's way. I'm surprised that Ponyo wasn't nominated, but I do have to give props to The Secret of Kells. Never heard of you, but your animation reminds me of Fairly Odd Parents and that makes me smile.
Director
Quentin Tarantino, "Inglourious Basterds"
Kathryn Bigelow, "The Hurt Locker" [WINNER]
James Cameron, "Avatar"
Lee Daniels, "Precious: Based on the novel 'Push' by Sapphire"
Jason Reitman, "Up in the Air"
Let me set the record straight. This was not an upset. But what is upsetting is how much the news is overplaying the whole, "She's a woman and no woman has won this award in 60+ years!" Forget the fact that she's a woman. Drop the idea that women haven't directed a good film in years. Enjoy the fact that it was a good movie.
Supporting Actor
Matt Damon, "Invictus"
Woody Harrelson, "The Messenger"
Christopher Plummer, "The Last Station"
Stanley Tucci, "The Lovely Bones"
Christoph Waltz, "Inglourious Basterds" [WINNER]
We now enter the 2 categories that were pretty much set in stone since the Golden Globes. All I have to say for this one is Christoph Waltz was amazing, as I've mentioned before in a far more prestigious award (link).
Supporting Actress
Vera Farmiga, "Up in the Air"
Mo'Nique, "Precious" [WINNER]
Anna Kendrick, "Up in the Air"
Penelope Cruz, "Nine"
Maggie Gyllenhaal, "Crazy Heart"
Didn't watch Up in the Air. Didn't watch Crazy Heart. Definitely not going to watch Nine. Didn't watch Precious. I'll just go with the critics on this one. Love her stand-up.
Actor
George Clooney, "Up in the Air"
Jeff Bridges, "Crazy Heart" [WINNER]
Colin Firth, "A Single Man"
Morgan Freeman, "Invictus"
Jeremy Renner, "The Hurt Locker"
Really? I've only seen one of these movies (The Hurt Locker). Everyone and their mother probably knew Jeff Bridges was going to win, but they probably also have not seen the movie, which just makes me weary of the whole Oscar process. I'm not taking anything away from Jeff Bridges. I'm taking away from the fact that Brad Pitt wasn't nominated for his role in Inglorious Basterds or Robert Downey Jr. for his role in Sherlock Holmes.
Actress
Meryl Streep, "Julie & Julia"
Sandra Bullock, "The Blind Side" [WINNER]
Gabourey Sidibe, "Precious: Based on the novel 'Push' by Sapphire"
Helen Mirren, "The Last Station"
Carey Mulligan, "An Education"
This was basically a two horse race. I was pulling for Meryl Streep but don't mind that Sandra Bullock won.
Best Picture
Avatar
The Hurt Locker [WINNER]
Precious: Based on the novel 'Push' by Sapphire
Up in the Air
Inglourious Basterds
Up
The Blind Side
District 9
An Education
A Serious Man
And now we are at the finale. What used to be a cutthroat, shin-breaking, elbow-in-the-face type of award has now become a list of ok movies. Apparently, the Academy already forgot about the year that The English Patient won, where it seemed to struggle to find worthy nominees. I'm all for Avatar, The Hurt Locker, Inglorious Basterds, Up, and The Blind Side. Precious, Up in the Air and District 9 are a little bit of a stretch, but An Education and A Serious Man? Not only are they uncreative titles, but they are also movies that I don't even remember being in the theaters last year.
I heard rumors that Kathy Ireland was drunk during her stint on the red carpet. I didn't see that. Of course, I only caught the tail end of the entire thing and was more focused on the people being interviewed than the interviewers. I was a little miffed that they still ask "Who are you wearing?" as if that was what I cared about. What ever happened to, "Who are your favorites to win?" or "What projects do you have coming up?" I would have also accepted, "What was it like making [INSERT MOVIE]?" Also, Jeff Bridges looked as high as the Dude (The Big Lebowski) with the wicked beard.
Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin did a great job hosting. After the okay opening by Neil Patrick Harris, their monologue (can you call it a monologue with 2 people?) was hilarious. High point was when they made fun of George Clooney. Low point, so I heard, was the omission of Farah Fawcett from a slide show of the people who died this year. An even lower point is that people seem to have forgotten that Bea Arthur wasn't in there either. Maybe the people in the slide show are only for those that were in movies. I only remember those 2 from TV.
Here's the rundown and my colorful commentary from the awards that don't matter to the awards that I should care about more except for that fact that I don't.
Sound Editing
Avatar
The Hurt Locker
[WINNER]Inglourious Basterds
Star Trek
Up
My initial instinct was that Avatar was going to win this, hands down. Then I saw that the Hurt Locker won... WTF? If I actually cared about awards like this one, I might make a big stink about it. I'm assuming the "editing" portion means that the sounds don't overlap or run over in scenes. Like you hear an explosion and the boom is still running through the movie after a scene cut. Maybe the judges saw that some of the tree branches in Avatar that didn't rustle enough in their opinions.
Sound Mixing
Avatar
The Hurt Locker
[WINNER]Inglourious Basterds
Star Trek
Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
Last year, the winner was The Dark Knight and I could understand it because they made all of the sounds far crisper and bigger than they probably would have been in real life. So how in the world did Hurt Locker beat Avatar? This was definitely a head scratcher. Maybe the judges were impressed by how crisp the sound of the soldier cutting wires? Maybe the judges went into sensory overload after watching Avatar? Maybe the judges were impressed by the sounds of footsteps in the Hurt Locker? Maybe the judges thought that the Na'vi should all sound like ET and not like Uhura from Star Trek or CCH Pounder.
But Kudos to the Academy for nominating Star Trek twice for sounds.
Visual Effects
Avatar
[WINNER]District 9
Star Trek
Ok, this one I was willing to accept any of the three nominees (why only 3?) as the winner. Distinct 9 impressed me with the aliens and the weaponry. Sure it's not as great as the other 2, but definitely impressive. Star Trek was incredible. The space battles were fantastic. Avatar, deservedly so, won because I almost went into a diabetic coma with all of the sweet visuals. I used to watch movies and think, "I could have designed something better." Then I watched Transformers and realized I'm not detail-oriented enough. Then I watched Avatar and hung up whatever hopes and chances I thought I had. You win this round, Cameron.
Makeup
Il Divo
Star Trek
[WINNER]The Young Victoria
Hurray, Star Trek! You beat two movies I've either never heard of and never want to watch. I guess Vulcan ears and turning Eric Bana into a Kiebler Elf was enough for Star Trek to pull in this victory for nerd-kind.
Music (Original Score)
Avatar
Fantastic Mr. Fox
The Hurt Locker
Sherlock Holmes
Up
[WINNER]This was a shocker to me in a good way. First off, I wasn't even aware that The Hurt Locker had music in it. Sherlock Holmes, although I loved the movie, had an aggravatingly twangy violin score that often slapped me across the face to pull me out of the movie. Fantastic Mr. Fox... never watched it. I thought Avatar was going to win it because I thought all of the scenes were enriched by the musical score, but apparently the Academy continued its "FU Cameron" by giving the award to Up. Loved the musical score in Up. Definitely enriched the dialogue-less beginning that made me weep like baby.
Music (Original Song)
"Almost There" from "The Princess and the Frog"
"Down in New Orleans" from "The Princess and the Frog"
"Loin de Paname" from "Paris 36"
"Take it All" from "Nine
""The Weary Kind (Theme from "Crazy Heart") from "Crazy Heart" [WINNER]
First off, this felt like a really weak group of nominees. Remember when you couldn't get that Celine Dion song from Titantic out of your head? Remember when the Aladin song was playing on the radio 24/7? None of these songs did that and it felt like a real stretch when they pulled songs from Paris 36 and Nine and had to dip twice into the Disney bucket. I've never heard of any of these songs but knew that Crazy Heart was going to win it because of all the critical acclaimation it got. I just didn't know it was being sung by Colin Farrell. That was a surprise.
Short Film, Live Action
The Door
Instead of Abracadabra
Kavi
Miracle Fish
The New Tenants [WINNER]
Never heard or watched any of these movies. Can't believe they wasted air-time on short film categories. I don't know a single person that has gone up to me and said, "Hey, you want to go watch a short film?" Where do they even show these films? So I'll make up my own ideas on what these movies are about. The Door is a horror movie about a door being delivered to a home only to find out that it's too big so the people who bought it decide to cut it down to make it fit. Instead of Abracadabra is sad tale about, what else, dead rabbits. Kavi is about the cousins of the Na'vi in Avatar and we learn why Sigourney Weaver decided to just ignore them. Miracle Fish is about the 1972 Miami Dolphins and ends with (SPOILER ALERT) a message to Tom Brady telling him to, "Suck it." The winner, The New Tenants, is just 15 minutes of topless women jumping up and down in front of the camera. Yeah, I would have voted for that one too.
Short Film, Animated
French Toast
Granny O'Grimm's Sleeping Beauty
The Lady and the Reaper
Logorama [WINNER]
A Matter of Loaf and Death
Another short film category? And what's the deal with the bread? Two of the nominated short films here have something to do with bread in their titles. I probably would have voted for Logorama on the sheer fact that the title makes me think it's about doody.... wait a minute... is it Log-orama or Logo-rama? Forget it. I'll just vote for The Lady and the Reaper because it sounds like a funny sequel to Lady and the Tramp.
Documentary Short
China's Unnatural Disaster: The Tears of Sichuan Province
The Last Campaign of Governor Booth Gardner
The Last Truck: Closing of a GM Plant
Music by Prudence [WINNER]
Rabbit à la Berlin
Heard some crazy lady took the mic from the director/producer and started rambling about whatever it is that crazy people rant about. Didn't see it live. Would have been funnier if George Clooney did that Jeff Bridges.
Best Documentary Feature
Burma VJ
The Cove [WINNER]
Food, Inc.
The Most Dangerous Man in America: Daniel Ellsberg and the Pentagon Papers
Which Way Home
Huh, no Michael Moore movie this year? Oh well, I just sing to fill in some empty space.
*Ahem*
It's Peanut Butter Jelly Time! Peanut Butter Jelly Time! Peanut Butter Jelly Time! Peanut Butter Jelly Time! Peanut Butter Jelly! Peanut Butter Jelly! Peanut Butter Jelly with a baseball bat! Peanut Butter Jelly! Peanut Butter Jelly! Peanut Butter Jelly with a baseball bat!
Costume Design
Bright Star
Coco Before Chanel
The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus
Nine
The Young Victoria [WINNER]
Oh, a movie based in Victorian England wins the award for best costume design? Oh, how original! Since I actually haven't watched any of these 5 nominees, I just don't care.
Cinematography
Avatar
[WINNER]Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
The Hurt Locker
Inglourious Basterds
The White Ribbon
Really? Harry Potter was nominated? And what's The White Ribbon? If I knew what "cinematography" is, I'm sure I'd be pissed. At least Avatar is going home with some hardware (along with billions of dollars from ticket sales).
Best Film Editing
Avatar
District 9
The Hurt Locker
[WINNER]Inglourious Basterds
Precious
Not sure what the difference is between film editing and directing. Unless the film editing is all about the scene transitions. I'm a personal fan of the Star Wars movies and their use of every possible PowerPoint slide transition known to man for their scene transitions.
Art Direction
Avatar
[WINNER]The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus
Nine
Sherlock Holmes
The Young Victoria
You bet your ass Avatar won this one. That's another win for Avatar in a category that no one cares about. When are we getting to awards that will actually be talked about the next morning?
Best Foreign-Language Film
Ajami
El Secreto de Sus Ojos [WINNER]
The Milk of Sorrow
Un Prophète
The White Ribbon
Oh, so the White Ribbon was a foreign film... my money is that it's a pretencious French film that's actually about a ribbon, like that Red Balloon flick I see a lot of spoofs about. Ajami is probably about pajamas. El Secreto de Sus Ojos is probably a reenactment of the OJ Simpson murders. The Milk of Sorrow is what I used to see a lot of before I met the Doc, so I expect to see some royalty checks coming my way. Un Prophete is probably the tale of the worlds one true prophet: Slartibartfast.
Adapted Screenplay
District 9
An Education
In the Loop
Precious
[WINNER]Up in the Air
District 9 was a book? That was surprising.
Original Screenplay
The Hurt Locker
[WINNER]Inglourious Basterds
The Messenger
A Serious Man
Up
Now the Oscars are just yanking me around. How did the Hurt Locker beat Inglorious Basterds? I'm surprised Quentin Tarantino didn't jump on stage and shove his fist down Oscar's throat. I'm not a huge fan of Tarantino, but when it comes to writing an original story, he is downright magical. You totally missed on this one, Oscar. Shame on you. Side note: congrats to Up for being nominated.
Animated Feature
Up
[WINNER]Coraline
Fantastic Mr. Fox
The Princess and the Frog
The Secret of Kells
Like a fat kid running to a table of donuts, you better not get in Pixar's way. I'm surprised that Ponyo wasn't nominated, but I do have to give props to The Secret of Kells. Never heard of you, but your animation reminds me of Fairly Odd Parents and that makes me smile.
Director
Quentin Tarantino, "Inglourious Basterds"
Kathryn Bigelow, "The Hurt Locker" [WINNER]
James Cameron, "Avatar"
Lee Daniels, "Precious: Based on the novel 'Push' by Sapphire"
Jason Reitman, "Up in the Air"
Let me set the record straight. This was not an upset. But what is upsetting is how much the news is overplaying the whole, "She's a woman and no woman has won this award in 60+ years!" Forget the fact that she's a woman. Drop the idea that women haven't directed a good film in years. Enjoy the fact that it was a good movie.
Supporting Actor
Matt Damon, "Invictus"
Woody Harrelson, "The Messenger"
Christopher Plummer, "The Last Station"
Stanley Tucci, "The Lovely Bones"
Christoph Waltz, "Inglourious Basterds" [WINNER]
We now enter the 2 categories that were pretty much set in stone since the Golden Globes. All I have to say for this one is Christoph Waltz was amazing, as I've mentioned before in a far more prestigious award (link).
Supporting Actress
Vera Farmiga, "Up in the Air"
Mo'Nique, "Precious" [WINNER]
Anna Kendrick, "Up in the Air"
Penelope Cruz, "Nine"
Maggie Gyllenhaal, "Crazy Heart"
Didn't watch Up in the Air. Didn't watch Crazy Heart. Definitely not going to watch Nine. Didn't watch Precious. I'll just go with the critics on this one. Love her stand-up.
Actor
George Clooney, "Up in the Air"
Jeff Bridges, "Crazy Heart" [WINNER]
Colin Firth, "A Single Man"
Morgan Freeman, "Invictus"
Jeremy Renner, "The Hurt Locker"
Really? I've only seen one of these movies (The Hurt Locker). Everyone and their mother probably knew Jeff Bridges was going to win, but they probably also have not seen the movie, which just makes me weary of the whole Oscar process. I'm not taking anything away from Jeff Bridges. I'm taking away from the fact that Brad Pitt wasn't nominated for his role in Inglorious Basterds or Robert Downey Jr. for his role in Sherlock Holmes.
Actress
Meryl Streep, "Julie & Julia"
Sandra Bullock, "The Blind Side" [WINNER]
Gabourey Sidibe, "Precious: Based on the novel 'Push' by Sapphire"
Helen Mirren, "The Last Station"
Carey Mulligan, "An Education"
This was basically a two horse race. I was pulling for Meryl Streep but don't mind that Sandra Bullock won.
Best Picture
Avatar
The Hurt Locker
[WINNER]Precious: Based on the novel 'Push' by Sapphire
Up in the Air
Inglourious Basterds
Up
The Blind Side
District 9
An Education
A Serious Man
And now we are at the finale. What used to be a cutthroat, shin-breaking, elbow-in-the-face type of award has now become a list of ok movies. Apparently, the Academy already forgot about the year that The English Patient won, where it seemed to struggle to find worthy nominees. I'm all for Avatar, The Hurt Locker, Inglorious Basterds, Up, and The Blind Side. Precious, Up in the Air and District 9 are a little bit of a stretch, but An Education and A Serious Man? Not only are they uncreative titles, but they are also movies that I don't even remember being in the theaters last year.
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