I can understand where they may want to hit the reset button because Spiderman 3 was just bad and embarrassingly struck out in the story department. They spent too much time on using the Sandman and not enough time focusing on Venom (strike one). They killed Harry Osbourne/Green Goblin and Venom in an anti-climactic way (strike two). And worst of all, emo-Peter Parker (strike three, you’re out!).
As much as this reboot hurts me, I let the anger subside and decided to take this as an opportunity to break-in a new feature of the pieceofpu blog: If I Did Dat.
The reboot is going to happen, so there’s no use in sobbing about it now. But let’s spin this to our advantage. What if I was the casting director and could choose whoever I wanted to be in the movie? What would it be like if I did dat (see what I did there with the title of this blog and what I just said)?
Here is the cast:
Peter Parker/Spiderman: Zac Efron
It goes without saying that this is the make or break casting decision. I feel that they hit it out of the park when Tobey Maguire was cast Peter Parker, nerd turned superhero, and would have loved to see him be Spiderman for another decade or two. But we’re dealing with a reboot and reboot means young. Since Spiderman’s story started in high school and because Marc Webb is the director, I have a feeling the movie is going to focus heavily on the high school and college years. So who fits the bill? My mind went through a list of young actors, but a lot of them were either too awkward (Michael Cera) or didn’t look right (Robert Pattinson). Then it became a toss-up between two actors: Zac Efron or Chris Pine. I favored Chris Pine if they focused more on the after-college years, but because of where I think the script is going to take place, I have to go with Zac Efron. We can easily geek him out with glasses has the pre-radioactive-spider-bite Peter Parker and then explode him into the superhero because I’m assuming he’s already got a dancer’s physique, which is what we want for Spiderman. Trim, nicely defined muscles, but not so physically dominating that you’d think we were seeing the second coming of Arnold or Sylvester.
Mary Jane Watson: Emma Stone
I was not a fan of the Kirsten Dunst casting in the original movies so for this role I had trouble settling for anyone that, in my head, was just better her. Mary Jane Watson is supposed to be a model or at least someone who is hot enough to be a model while still having the girl next door appeal of not being afraid to get down and dirty. Let’s face it, America. There are not a lot of actresses in that age group able to pull that off. This is someone who the audience is supposed to like enough to have Spiderman come down and save. So I chose Emma Stone. She can definitely do hot (Superbad), she can do the dirty work (House Bunny), and she can be endearing with how silly she can be (Ghosts of Girlfriends Past). If I can get Emma Stone to be Mary Jane Watson, I’ve got someone the audience would want to save in the multiple sequels to come.
Gwen Stacy: Meredith Hagner
If had a say in the script, I’d want the first movie to focus more on the Spiderman/Gwen Stacy love than on the Spiderman/Mary Jane love. Why? Because this is the one love tragedy that will haunt Peter Parker for the rest of his life (and a good way to darken the stories of sequels). For those of you not familiar with even who Gwen Stacy is, she was Peter Parker’s first love interest for many years before Mary Jane Watson was even introduced—a Lois Lane type of character, if I remember right. But unlike Superman, Spiderman wasn’t fast enough to save her from a horrible death and even though he now has Mary Jane Watson, the comic books sometime hint that he would have picked Gwen if he was forced to choose. Spiderman 3 didn’t do the character any favors (it didn’t do anyone any favors) so don’t draw your opinions from that movie. If I want someone to portray a spunky young blonde that the audience would love, I pick Meredith Hagner, based solely on her stints on Royal Pains. There’s someone that I would enjoy seeing Peter Parker pine over and then cry over after failing to save her.
Aunt May Parker: Allison Janney
This one was a lot harder to cast than I originally thought and I admit that I gave up on finding the perfect actress to play this after I finally got some of the principals set. Why Alison Janney? I don’t know why but ever since Juno, I can’t get it out of my head that she’d be a cool mother-figure. That’s it. That’s the only reason. Should I go with someone older? Of course. Should I go with someone more wholesome and brittle? Yes! But will I? Only if someone can convince me of a better actress to hire.
Uncle Ben Parker: Sam Waterson
If you’re familiar with Spiderman, you know Uncle Ben really only has 2-3 scenes where he says the cheesiest line possible (“With great power comes great responsibility”) and then dies. The only person I could even think of that could say such a ridiculous line that’ll probably get played over and over again is Jack McCoy from Law & Order. Sam Waterson knows how to make a good speech, even if it has to end so weakly.
J. Jonah Jameson: J.K. Simmons
This is my no-compromises casting decision. J.K. Simmons is the only actor that should ever play the gruff, over-bearing, pompous editor of the Daily Bugle.
Harry Osbourne: Robert Pattinson
If you’ve seen all 3 Spiderman movies, you know that Harry is the outcast friend of Peter Parker who later creates a love triangle with Mary Jane, blames Spiderman for the death of his father, and becomes the Green Goblin. What the movies didn’t show was that Harry also has a mental breakdown, overdoses on drugs, and later dies. What actor do I want to see go through all of that? Robert Pattinson.
Norman Osbourne/Green Goblin: Adrian Pasdar
Who? He plays Nathan Petrelli on Heroes
(Flying-man), the brother of Milo Ventimiglia’s character. Why? He’s got that evil raspy voice and yet he can also be fatherly. Both are characteristics that Willem Defoe was definitely able to portray.Eddie Brock/Venom: Seth Rogan
This has to be one of those initial planting of Eddie Brock as a cameo/lesser part in the first movie and them make a bigger deal about him in the sequels. They completely botched it up by casting Topher Grace in this role. When I think of Eddie Brock, I think of a bully/comedy relief. Topher Grace does not say “bully” to me. Seth Rogan can be a bully (Observe and Report) and the comedy relief (Superbad). All you’d need to do is get his butt to the gym and he’d have the muscular definition to be something Peter Parker would fear.
Robbie Robertson: Andre Braugher
This is another one of those important 2-3 scene characters. He’s like the velvet glove to J. Jonah Jameson’s iron fist. After watching his stint on House, Andre Braugher fits that need just fine.
Felicia Hardy/Black Cat: Emma Watson
The original scuttlebutt on Spiderman 4 was that it was going to have Felicia Hardy come in as the love interest and the studios were going to kick Kirsten Dunst to the curb. I was all for that when I heard rumors that they were going to get Anne Hathaway to play the millionaire heiress turned feline hero. But if I’m going to stick with the young casting theme, I would choose Harry Potter alumni Emma Watson. She’s 19 now so that makes it totally legal for men of my age to imagine her running around in a skin-tight cat outfit. Meow!
Flash Thompson: Peyton Manning
For those of you not familiar with Flash Thompson, he was the football star bully that terrorized Peter Parker in high school before Spiderman existed. So he plays an important emotional target that you’ll probably only see for 5 minutes total in the movie, which is perfect for a cameo type of casting. I choose Peyton Manning. What? So he’s old enough to be the father of most of the cast members, but he can play a Flash Thompson that was held back a couple dozen years.
Dr. Curt Connors/Crocodile: Harrison Ford
I’ll admit it first. I just wanted Harrison Ford to be in a movie where he’s the one-armed man and not the one chasing him (a la The Fugitive). He’s shown that he can be a kickass professor that could keep the attention of young fertile minds (Indiana Jones) and thanks to computer graphics, if they ever take the Crocodile storyline to fruition, his alter ego character can easily have a knuckle-dragger of a fight with Spiderman.
Dr. Otto Octavius/Dr. Octupus: Anthony Head
I’m a super fan of the second Spiderman movie and a large part of that was because of Alfred Molina’s Doc Oct. For this role, I’m casting someone with a powerful British accent that can easily switch between good and evil and back again just on the context of the scene. I choose Anthony Head (famous tutor on Buffy: The Vampire Slayer). At first, I couldn’t see him go beyond the good guy because of his role on Buffy, but then I saw him in the first season of the David Tennant Doctor Who where he played an evil headmaster/alien and he sent chills up my spine with his controlled evil. Yep, I like this pick.
Love the picks for Spidey 4. My favorite of all of your selections (and the one that made me laugh the most) was Peyton Manning as Flash Thompson! Coming in a close second was your comments on the pick of Robert Pattinson.
ReplyDeleteI want to say something about the spider man 3 is Much of my time in the cinema during this film was spent with my head in my hands. I really cannot stress enough what a terrible disappointment this film is. I almost wish to recommend it just so that people can see and believe how utterly shambolic this is. There are moments watchable material; J K Simmons continues his fantastic understanding of his character and the restaurant scene with Bruce Campbell is brilliant.
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