Movie of the Year

I remember, sometime last year, reading a report saying that movie theaters are going to be a thing of the past because of Netflix, pirating, high movie ticket costs, and the improvement in home theater quality. Sure, the box offices weren’t being forced to pull out their buckets and shovels to dig into piles of money, but with recent blockbusters like Avatar (which is not eligible for this year’s awards), they have nothing to fear. These five nominees showed exactly how to make a great movie by following a simple formula for box office success:

1) Appeal to the audiences. Leave the artsy-fartsy stuff to the indie films
2) Don’t fix what isn’t broken, but if you can successfully add on a new feature, that’s even better. Buddy comedies were revamped, war movies were given a new twist, a Sci-Fi standard became relevant, and a Pixar film continued to tug at the heartstrings.
3) (And most important for Box Office success) Don’t hire George Clooney. If you’re gut reaction in casting a movie is “George Clooney would be perfect!” then your movie is going to flop.

• The Hangover
My initial reaction after seeing this movie was to find some glue because I busted my gut from laughing so much and so hard. Every moment was golden and the movie just never stopped hitting you with punch-lines and sight gags. The movie was so good it was able to make Heather Graham, Wayne Newton, and Mike Tyson funny… in a not so tragic sort of way.

• Inglorious Basterds
I’ve said it before, this movie needed more Brad Pitt. So much so that I’m going to let his speech show you how amazing he was in this flick.

Lt. Aldo Raine: My name is Lt. Aldo Raine and I'm putting together a special team, and I need me eight soldiers. Eight Jewish-American soldiers. Now, y'all might've heard rumors about the armada happening soon. Well, we'll be leaving a little earlier. We're gonna be dropped into France, dressed as civilians. And once we're in enemy territory, as a bushwhackin' guerrilla army, we're gonna be doin' one thing and one thing only... killin' Nazis. Now, I don't know about y'all, but I sure as hell didn't come down from the goddamn Smoky Mountains, cross five thousand miles of water, fight my way through half of Sicily and jump out of a fuckin' air-o-plane to teach the Nazis lessons in humanity. Nazi ain't got no humanity. They're the foot soldiers of a Jew-hatin', mass murderin' maniac and they need to be dee-stroyed. That's why any and every every son of a bitch we find wearin' a Nazi uniform, they're gonna die. Now, I'm the direct descendant of the mountain man Jim Bridger. That means I got a little Injun in me. And our battle plan will be that of an Apache resistance. We will be cruel to the Germans, and through our cruelty they will know who we are. And they will find the evidence of our cruelty in the disemboweled, dismembered, and disfigured bodies of their brothers we leave behind us. And the German won't not be able to help themselves but to imagine the cruelty their brothers endured at our hands, and our boot heels, and the edge of our knives. And the German will be sickened by us, and the German will talk about us, and the German will fear us. And when the German closes their eyes at night and they're tortured by their subconscious for the evil they have done, it will be with thoughts of us they are tortured with. Sound good?
The Basterds: YES, SIR!
Lt. Aldo Raine: That's what I like to hear. But I got a word of warning for all you would-be warriors. When you join my command, you take on debit. A debit you owe me personally. Each and every man under my command owes me one hundred Nazi scalps. And I want my scalps. And all y'all will git me one hundred Nazi scalps, taken from the heads of one hundred dead Nazis. Or you will die tryin'.

That speech, like the scene where Bambi’s mom died, brought a tear to my eye.

• Up
The movie overall was not the best that Pixar has ever made, but the bar was set obscenely high by Finding Nemo and WALL-E. Up, however, did do one thing that those 2 were unable to do. It made me sob in the first 20 minutes and that emotional investment carried through the rest of the movie. Damn you, Ed Asner! First you make Mary Tyler Moore cry and now me!

• I Love You, Man
I love this movie, man. I can’t believe I completely wrote off Paul Rudd’s career after seeing him in Clueless (when I should have written off Alicia Silverstone’s career). As I’ve mentioned in previous posts, this move hit a high note with its eclectic mix of casting, including Jason Siegel and Hottie of the Year Rashida Jones. I can’t think of a single moment I didn’t like in this movie. I even enjoyed watching Paul Rudd slapping da bass. Slapping da bass, mon.

• Star Trek
I’m going to expose my bias on this one. I’m a major Star Trek fan… Star Trek: The Next Generation, that is! Kirk and Spock can’t hold a photon torpedo to Picard and Riker. Sure the original had Uhura, but TNG had hotties in Dr. Crusher and Counselor Troi and I’d rather have a badass like Worf and his Klingon Battle Ax fighting on my side than Sulu and his little fencing sword. What does this rant have anything to do with the movie? Well, if you seen the movie, you know just as well as I do that little ripples of changes they made could completely change the future and their future was TNG. Picard may never be born. Worf may never be orphaned and then adopted by humans. Riker may never grow that man-crush-worthy beard. It totally throws my favorite childhood show into a blender. And for what? A badass movie with great acting, great story, great special effects, and a scene with Rachel Nichols and Zoe Saldana in their underwear…? Ok, maybe that last part made it worthy.

And the Winner is…
Star Trek!

Strap yourselves in and set phasers to fun! Sure there’s that looming cloud that TNG may never exist, but this movie was just too great to pass. With the great back-and-forth between characters and the breathtaking battles, Star Trek did everything right. Something that Michael Bay should learn.